#30facesofautism 2019 - Day 15

Day 15 – Last fall Avin’s beloved “Grant” passed away pretty suddenly.  Chris’ grandmother was 88, still lived alone, drove and took great care of herself.  As part of the routine we always had to stop at Gran’s on the way home from going up for a Clemson weekend. So on a Sunday in mid September Baby Girl kissed her goodbye, little did we know that she would be gone just over a week later.  Gran always took time for Baby Girl, she played baby dolls with her and had her a little snack treat for her of some sort.  Often while we were at the football games she would come four houses up the street to her daughter’s house, where we were staying, to play with Baby Girl while she was staying with her Granny.  It had gotten to the point where even riding into the neighborhood she would ask to stop in to see “Grant”.  I had no earthly idea what I was going to tell her to explain this death.  How in the world do you explain something like this to someone without the language needed to comprehend.  No context.  So abstract but SO very concrete. Didn’t want her to think that just because you get sick you die, didn’t want her to think that when you go to sleep you die, and I didn’t want her to think she just disappeared.  I finally decided the least amount of most direct words was best.  I reminded her of the dog we used to have, Grits, and how we don’t see her anymore because she died and went to heaven.  I said, “Baby Girl, Grant died and she went to heaven and we won’t see her anymore.”  I took a deep breath and waited.  She said ok.  Exhale. I repeated this several more times on the six and half hour ride up with her, “Grant died and she went to heaven.”  I thought ok, we are doing ok here.  As we approached her house upon arrival she hollers from the backseat, “Let’s stop and see Grant!”.  Total failure.  I asked, “Do you remember what I said about Gran?” and she replied, “Yes, Grant’s with Kevin!”. Kevin is her uncle, her Daddy’s brother and Gran’s other grandchild.  If only he really did have Gran, and Grits the dog, too. (Explaining Death - Part 1 of 3) #30facesofautism